Ho Hum and Drill Day.

No real post today. I started the day going to the dentist, did some office work, and then did some outside work. All while drooling with a headache! Yeah! Classy! lol

Here are a couple pictures.

Can you guess what this is?

Ed and ponies

Itchy baby

Newborn

Itchy kitty

Sorry kind of a random set of pictures. But I guess thats how she goes on this blog. lol

To My Daughter

Emily,

I  felt so bad for you,  seeing you get frustrated with your basketball game yesterday. I know that you get sick of my talks and "speeches"  and your stubbornness sometimes prevents you from listening to me.  I know because you get that from me.

I know you have a lot of pressure on you from your friends and I know that you want to be the best at something. That's great! Keep that drive because that is the fire that makes things happen.

But I want you to know this....

Those trophies and ribbons of mine that you have from my horse showing as a kid, I didn't just get those because I showed up for the show. I got those because my horses were my passion.  Everything I did revolved around my passion.  "Elbow grease", my grandpa would say "Those ponies won't shine without elbow grease." I spent hours and hours and hours of practicing, taking lessons, grooming , I even took naps in my horses manger. My mom and dad would try to help me, encourage me, and sometimes make me practice.

The key is. Did I always win? Did I always out shine? No. I lost way more then I won.  There were girls that were better than me, there were girls with more money and fancier horses.  I had simple tack my dad gave me, my mom made my show outfits, and we piled my horses in a tiny two horse trailer while there were girls with big shiny new trailers and a super fancy show outfits for every class.

I was terribly shy and I didn't fit in with most of the girls I competed against. In fact every once in awhile I would be made fun of.  But I had my own fan club and quite a few people (even non horse people) who would come watch me.  And when I won classes in Anaconda, I had my own cheering section.

When I won those trophies and ribbons I won them because I worked for them, I earned them.

When you have a passion in life, you have to grab on to that passion and run with it. You have to run right through that girl trying to steal your ball, and if she gets it, you have to get it back (without shoving ya nut, fairly get it back). You have to work your ass off and be the best you can at your passion. A true great at something puts all their effort into their passion at all times, whether winning or losing. Whether the other girls are playing fair or not. No matter what people think about them. Everything they have is put into every moment of that game. When you do the best of your ability at all times you are a great.

You also have to look at your team mates as TEAM mates. And work with them, even if they aren't working with you. They will. The patient, strong, and reliable are the people that become leaders.

And when you get mad. You should thank the person that made you mad. Because they are feeding the fire that makes you better.

Don't ever give up. In anything you do. I promise you with all my heart, the fight is worth it. That sweet moment of "I DID IT!" is worth every tear drop.

 

Not Very Exciting

Good morning. Again I don't have a lot of excitement going on. Well exciting enough to blog about. My life is sort of plain right now. I'm enjoying every minute of it. I get to wake up in the morning and have a slow cup of coffee, then go out and feed and talk to critters, then work on projects around the house. Its routine, comfortable, and great. For the first time in my life I am content and comfortable with plain routine.

(I cant figure out why some of this is highlighted. Weird)

Some of the blog posts that I have been working on get way too deep and random. So deep I lose myself so I havent posted them because because I dont want to go that way.


I just want to say Hi, share a random picture (the only one that wanted to upload today) and let you know I am still here and still working on something interesting to read. :)

Here is one of my most favorite quotes to chew on. Enjoy the rest of your week!

"I believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. From the moment of birth, every human being wants happiness and does not want suffering. Neither social conditioning nor education nor ideology affect this. From the very core of our being, we simply desire contentment. I don't know whether the universe, with its countless galaxies, stars and planets, has a deeper meaning or not, but at the very least, it is clear that we humans who live on this earth face the task of making a happy life for ourselves. Therefore, it is important to discover what will bring about the greatest degree of happiness."
Tenzin Gyatso; The Fourteenth Dalai Lama

 

Visiting Some Sides of My Random Brain

Slacker! I think my problem is that I have too many interests. I am trying to do a bunch of things at once and there isn't enough time in the day. I feel like in different stages of my life I was so focused on the wrong things I missed out on some really cool things and learning about things. I have been cramming it all in since I figured that out.

The other problem is I don't want to bore you with everyday blah-blah stuff, I want you to want to come back and read my babblings.

When I first saw my dad after years of not talking, we were talking about all the things I have done in my life and all the different jobs that I have had, he was blown away by all the stories I had. On one hand it's probably not the greatest thing that my whole life has absolutely no focus on anything. The general traditional path (with variations of course) is to graduate from high school, go to college (trade school or something), get a job in a field (stick with it), build a life, fall in love, buy a house, work the same job (or not the various random ones I continue to have), eventually retire, and be all comfy. Boy did I mess that up.

I'm swinging over here on the other hand. I know I'm not completely alone over here, there are more of you crazy try everything people. Variety is suppose to be the spice of life, we are over here trying everything in the life buffet. ha ha I don't have regrets, I feel like it has really enriched my life, I feel like it's made me a good hardworking not afraid to dive head first into new things person. Not a very financially stable person, and my job resume looks like a patch work quilt, but if given a chance I can prove I can do it, because I have had to kind of wing it and prove myself repeatedly.

What brought this all up is we have been helping a local rancher hay. Not the kind of haying like Ed's where we are on old equipment kind of hobby farm haying (which put Massey Ferguson tractor, side rake, and skid steer operator on my resume). This is big time, thousands of acres, bigger tractors, hours and hours of driving around the field haying. Something not a lot of people will ever get the chance to do. I felt so excited and blessed to have been a part of it. Depending on what part of the day you asked me, after about 8 hours of driving in circles and being jostled around from the same bumpy field I was ready to stop.

I am always in awe of hard working people and what they do. Ranchers have to be some of the most patient steady people there are. When it takes you days and days of sun up to sun down to grow and harvest your crops, work and wait and work and wait with a prayer or two thrown in that the end of the season will bring you good yields, you are a patient dedicated person.

You should think of that with just about everything you do. What did it take to get this product to me? Where did this come from? Which is a soap box I get on a lot and leans towards my Buddhist views, but I believe if you can really stop and look at things and yourself deeper, it will make you a better more aware human. And those tiny little steps are the steps that change this world. Think of the work it took to get the food in your belly and the clothes on your back. Pretty amazing and we should be grateful.

So now that I got that out. Lets venture over on the other side of my brain.

Last Thursday Ed and I went to "Alive After 5" in Great Falls. I expected something like the Farmers Market, which I totally recommend. But that isn't at all what I got. The first half a block was (I don't know how to put this politically correct) the STRANGEST looking people. Weird had crawled out of the wood work and was dancing to the live band. I was thinking "Wow Butte Montana looks so mild." A lot of people would of just left, but Ed and I are people watchers so we stuck around for the show.

At one point Ed leaned towards me and told me that seeing this really made him thankful for what he had, and the fact that he was a healthy (mentally and physically) person. Looking out at the people you could tell there were people with mental illness, some were battling addiction, some just had a combination of factors that just made them kind of lost souls.

I was reminded of the short time that I spent in Missoula where I lived out of my truck. I spent a lot of time walking down by the river and quite a bit of time talking to homeless people. Probably not the safest thing to do, but I'm a listener and a sponge, if you're willing to tell your story I am drawn to that and I listen. I remember the man who was a successful business man at one point, you would never know it to look at him, he was filthy, his clothes were tattered, all his belongings were in an old back pack, and the thing that mattered most to him was how he was going to get more alcohol before his body went into withdrawal. Through mental illness and addiction he had lost it everything, he chose to be homeless. His family no longer talked to him and he longed for some sort of contact with his son and granddaughter but his illness and actions held him down. 

I remember the guy trying to write a book about homeless people and their stories, he had a notebook that he let me look at, it was filled with scribbled notes and stories about different people. This guy was one of those people who probably dreamed big but never accomplished anything. Big and good ideas that just never went anywhere, he never followed through with anything so his life just stayed in a limbo and became a victim of addiction. 

Most of all I remember the lady I bought dog food for. She had spent a big part of her life in prison for killing her father who had molested her and at different points had raped her with a broom handle. She was a hurt and angry soul. She too suffered from mental illness and addiction. She felt she had nowhere to turn, no one was going to hire her, just to look at her most would turn their noses. So she lived down by the river and slept on an old mattress she had drug under some trees. Who knows if she is even alive now, who knows how many times she has been raped living that life style.

Just goes to show you really can't judge a book by the cover. We are all really the same, we all have hopes and dreams. Our lives, our health, and our circumstances have lead us all down a different path. Some of us, like those drunk people dancing at the Alive After Five have just been drug down by their circumstances, they are just lost souls. I'm not saying have pity on them, save them, or make friends with them. There are people in this world that can pull themselves out of that and become something, but there are a lot that cant and never will. Be thankful for who you are.

I was also reminded from this whole experience how much I like peoples stories, and that I am a good listener. So I hope in the future (when haying season is over) that I can bring that to my blog, interview some people, and get some neat or inspiring stories for you to check out.

 

Mommy Dearest

I have to dig around today for something to blog about. Nothing super exciting going on in my life right now. I get up, do chores, drink coffee, then work the rest of the day on the house or picking up hay in the field. Lots to get done and not enough hours to do it.

I have always wanted to blog about my mom. She is really an amazing lady (though we are complete opposites and we butt heads quite a bit).

There are some people who quietly go through life, leaving little kindness imprints where ever they go. Like my favorite quote from Mother Teresa "We can do no great things, only small things with great love." They never truly get recognized for what they do, they just quietly make their mark on this world. Each action they take in life is done pure of heart and their lives are just lived. That is my mother.


A small town, Anaconda, simple girl, she hasn't done anything huge, never had 15 minutes of fame and probably never has wanted for big and fabulous. She is happy to have her family, her friends, her home, and her frappe after work. While she has been many places and dreams of traveling some more, she could take it or leave it because she has all she needs at home. And the familiar is comfortable.

But to me, my mom is so much deeper than that. She has a quiet steady strength (sometimes stubborn). When I was a kid my grandmother was bed ridden with MS. She needed someone to get her up in the morning, bath and dress her, and get her ready for bed at night. My mom never missed a beat, she stood by her mother (for over 10 years) and took care of her until the day she died. With an upbeat, happy, and content just to be alive attitude that both my grandmother and mom shared. My grandmother was never bummed she was sick, she was never down, she loved life, made do with what she was capable of and was always up beat. My mom is the same way, she has told me many times that her greatest influence was her mother. Always full steam ahead and always looking forward to the positive. Even if the positive was considered small to someone else.

My mom has also worked in the same place for over 30 years. The Anaconda Nursing Home. If you can imagine dedicating your career to the care of our elders. My mom has done it in her own upbeat way, she has done the best she can for the people she cares for and she has loved them fully. Small acts of kindness are part of her every day, she does it effortlessly and unselfishly.

I know that she has inspired her co-workers. She is always laughing and having fun. But when it comes down to what matters to her or how she feels, she is a straight shooter. She doesn't lie or sugar coat anything. Sometimes she might not be completely right or she may be misunderstood but she always means well. She isn't the kind of person that really throws herself out there, but she is always there for her friends and family.

She loves to watch the news, and the different publicized trials. She is passionate about what is going on in the world and she is very opinionated. She loves politics, follows all the campaigns and she always votes. She is proud of her right to vote, and her country. Really, she is what this country is made up of, she is part of the core. Simple, strong, hard working, fun loving, family oriented, always dreaming, never giving up on the goodness that lies within people.

I have watched her grow and change through the years and although we dont see eye to eye on everything, her opinions on race, sexual orientation, and acceptance of others has grown and strengthens. I believe we as a whole are slowly changing, baby steps are being made to a better world. With each generation we are becoming more accepting, more loving, better people. And while the bad in this world will never go away, the good isn't going to go away either and it gets stronger.

As I have said before, my mom was there for me for the birth of both of my children. We went to doctors appointments, lamas class together. She walked with me up and down the hall way when I was in labor with my son, and she made sure my toes were painted before I had my daughter. She was the first to hold both children and she cut my daughters umbilical cord. She is my role model on how to be a mother. A mothers love is just there, strong, true, and unwavering.

Though I haven't been a model child (really a walking train wreck), even when I have been at my lowest or not very nice to her she has never turned her back on me. If we disagree or fight we always end up friends again. She has always been the first person I tell anything. She lifts me up when I am at my best and takes pride in me. Sometimes I take that for granted, but I don't know what I would do without her support.

 

New Arrival

Good Monday morning. I had a bit of a writer's block this weekend even though I had a big event. I'm back though. Or I think I am back..... I at least have a ton of pictures.

As most of you know, early this winter I got a little Guernsey/Jersey milk cow named Buttermilk. Don't you dig my winter outfit! Thats pretty much what I look like all winter. I never thought I would say this but I love this darn cow, she is the sweetest kindest little girl. I just adore her. (Cant you imagine me on one of those spoiled pet shows where I have my cow in the house? Ok I won't go that far.)

So we have been waiting for what seems FOREVER for Buttermilk to have her first calf. We really didn't have any clue when she was bred or when she would calf. At one point I didn't think she was pregnant so she got "preg" tested. For those of you non-livestock people, when a cow is "preg" tested a veterinarian, with a long glove on, sticks their hand up the cows behind (politically correct) and actually feels for a calf. No pictures to go with that.

That leads to a funny quick story. Working at the horse place this spring, a veterinarian was ultrasounding a mare (same kind of process only they have a ultrasound probe and the vet was checking to see if the mare had ovulated). The horse was kind of jumping around and the vet said something about the mare having no reason for being so uncooperative (it is hard to be politically correct, I feel all proper). So me with my occasional big mouth blurts out "Oh maybe it's because you have her hand up her ass." There goes politically correct and proper, and I don't recommend saying that to a veterinarian. ha-ha!

So on Saturday I drug my happy butt out of bed around 7:30. Grabbed my cup of coffee and sat with Ed at the dining room table while he read the paper. I looked out the window at the pasture like I do every morning and saw something flopping around on the ground. "What the heck is going on out there?!", I ask Ed and (because he is awake and can actually see straight) he informs me its Buttermilk calving.

I got out there just as the calf was half way out.



This moment I knew the calf was ok and it was a huge relief. Buttermilk isn't a very big cow and we knew that she had been bred to a rather large bull. After some more struggling and my attempt at helping her by gently pulling, her new calf was born.

 

It was hard for me to sit and watch the rest and let nature take its course, I wanted to have towels to dry the baby off. When working with high dollar horses there are certain steps you take to ensure the baby is healthy, but it is different for cows, unless there is an issue its best to just let nature be, so I sat and watched.

There were a few moments there where we thought that she wasn't going to except her new baby. She got up and kind of pushed her around with her horns. Ed reassured me that instincts would kick in, but you wonder, it's got to be confusing for a first time mom.

 

These are the very first moments a new mom is touching her baby. I feel so lucky to have been there.

 

I don't believe in asking God for little things, I really feel that it's sort of a selfish thing to do. I feel nature just flows and takes its course, I don't believe (like I have said before) that there is some guy up there like Santa Claus going "Oh little Billy has been good and he asked for a new car." But I did say a little "I sure hope that everything goes smoothly, Buttermilk has an easy delivery, and I'm would sure like a girl so I could keep her." I feel blessed to have gotten all of those wishes.

 

Somehow, call it instincts kicking in, she realized that this little bundle of calf was her baby, she started cleaning her. That moment of bonding has to be one of the neatest moments on earth. One that is so precious and important but one that is taken for granted. 

 



 

 

This is where we left to finish our coffee and let them have some private time. We would return in awhile to make sure that the baby was nursing.

 

 

There is a little dance first time moms do. The baby is trying to get back to the right spot to nurse and the mother is still cleaning off the baby and afraid to let it out of their sight.



 

 

Round and round and round they went. I was about to put a halter on Buttermilk to hold her still but finally there was success.

I hope that you enjoy these pictures. I left them again so I could help finish chores but had plans to come back one more time to  touch the baby again. There is kind of a window of opportunity to really get to touch and imprint yourself on a baby calf, they are sleepy their first day, but in a couple days they are full of themselves and feeling good and touching them isnt as easy. As of now, her name isnt for sure. We are leaning towards Caramel Latte (both my mom and my favorite drink).

Buttermilk has turned out to be a wonderful momma. I am so proud of her.

I look forward to watching this baby grow, be a part of our family, and someday have a calf of her own. Life is good.

 

 



Rough Roads, Duct Taped Boxes, and Beautiful Babies

Today my little girl turns 10!!! And my son turned 11 on the July 1st. It just blows my mind how fast they grow. It seems like it gets faster and faster and I am scrambling trying to hold onto the memories. The pictures in this post are from our evening float trip lastnight. 
 

With every year though I just want to say NAH NAH NAH NA NAH NAH to those who told me that I couldn't do it, that being a single completely fatherless mom was too hard with two children and that I should give my baby up for adoption. I can't even imagine life without my kids. I don't think I would be alive if I didn't have my kids, I was on a path to mass destruction partying like I did and I think they both were my gifts that brought stability to my life.

 

I'm not very good at being told I can't do something. You might as well challenge me to do it because if you tell me I can't I'm going to do it if it kills me. I am horribly drawn to the rough path and not afraid to step outside the box. In fact I have stepped outside of my box and back in, I have played kick the box, hid in my box, and rode my box down some steep hills, heck my box is covered in duct tape and baling twine. So bring it on!

 
There is so much out there trying to influence your life sometimes you just got to stand up, grab stuff by the balls and say "No this is how it's going to be." Someone once told me (Dave Herigstad) to follow your instincts and if you have a feeling inside of you at all that something wasn't right, then don't do it because it's probably wasn't. I have carried that with me since Dave gave me that great advice but I haven't always completely followed it, there has been many times when I knew that feeling was there but I just ignored it and bulled my way through the situation. Those lovely decisions have always ended with bad results.

 
When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I was given a package of potential adopters and told that giving her up would probably be the best thing. I'm sure that I have repeated this story many times, and like usual it is a very deep private one, but I feel like it should be shared. Of course I am not saying that adoption is a bad thing, I think it's amazing and a gift to all those involved. I can't imagine the pain of not being able to have children and wanting them so bad. In fact I actually knew one of the families looking to adopt and I was in awe of their story and offer of kindness. The message I want to get across is that there are those moments in life where it feels like the whole world is against you and you need to make a tough decision. You need to look deep deep down and find that instinct, that feeling deep down in your gut and you need to take that action.

 
I did that day I stood against all odds. I sat in a coffee shop and carefully read through all the papers and potential adopters, and it finally hit me that it just wasnt the path I was going to take, I was going to keep my daughter and do my best. It wasn't an easy decision. I faced my family and people who knew me, here I was pregnant and alone again. I felt like I should be on the Jerry Springer Show. I fell in and out of depression. My mom was my strongest supporter, she stood by my side the whole time. And the thing that gave me the most courage is when my grandfather said "If anyone can raise two children alone it would be Jeanie."

But in the end through all the struggle and all the pain it was the best decision I have ever made. Look at all I would be missing if I hadn't stood for my gut feeling. I say this as they are upstairs arguing and driving me bonkers, but it's the best bonkers you could be. Everyday they bring richness and joy to my life. And they come with their own great advice. One time they told me,"Mom, the bad stuff makes the good stuff that much gooder." I am so blessed.

 

 

 

Digging Deep (This was a hard one for my to decide to publish)

I wrote the following post yesterday. And looking at it this morning I debate on publishing it. I look at it and read it, and hover over the publish button. When I finally do it know that I did it with my eyes squeezed shut like i do when a ball is about to hit my head. haha I could be going too deep and too personal. Crossing the line. Oh I shouldn't of said that because I love to cross the line and step outside of the box. It's a challenge.

I am terribly shy. Yeah I know those who know me in real life aren't surprised by this statement. But I am painfully debilitatingly shy. I don't know where it comes from (hopefully not stuffed animal fears).

 

It has effected every aspect of my life and has made me a not very good friend. Not that I don't care, because I care more about the people in my life near and far probably more than a lot of people do,  but I don't go out of my way socially for friends. Like you will rarely see me show up at your door just to hang out, or call just to babble about whatever. If you're not making direct eye contact with me I probably won't even wave at you in the store. And it's not that I am a snob or I don't like people, somewhere deep inside of me there is just this block, I can't unblock. I have been told my whole life how quiet I am and how I hold everything in, but it's not that I am holding it in, something inside of me holds it in and I battle it all in my head.

I can go where I don't know anyone and start conversations with complete strangers. There is an outgoing confident person inside of me. But to walk into someplace, where I know people, is terrifying and I have found myself in awkward situations where I just didn't go in, I freeze up. I can babble here on this blog or facebook, I can text on and on, but in person it all shuts down. I have a hard time even answering the phone or calling people. A lot of really wonderful friendships have slipped through my life because of this.

I don't know if it's something deep down that is worried about what people think of me? Because on the outside I obviously don't give a hoot. I am one of the plainest people you will ever meet. And although I am a people pleaser, I am not a people follower. I stubbornly don't dress or act like other people and I can't fit my feelings or beliefs into a pre-shaped box.

Why I am I telling you this? I don't really know, I am just throwing it into the wind. I know I can't be alone, there has to be other people out there with this issue.  Think of that when you see someone your know is shy or doesnt make a big effort. She might not be a snob or stupid, she might just be stuck and if you make the effort you may be helping her be unstuck you might find someone you like. If I googled it there is probably a name for what I have and a support group. Or I could be totally messed up and need a psychologist.

 

 

Bitter Sweet Meat

Yesterday was sort of a bitter sweet day. Well I don't know about sweet until my freezer is full.
 

My sons pigs went to slaughter. It was kind of a spur of the moment thing. We had planned on having them slaughtered but it just happened that the butcher could take them at that time so we took advantage of that.
 

This is that part of farming that I struggle with.

 On one hand I can't kill anything. Literally. I can't even get myself to kill a bug. I will either have Micah come get the bug or I will skirt around it until it is gone (I am also terrified of bugs). Micah kind or rolls his eyes and says "Oh mom!" This is going to get real personal and maybe a little bit funny, but when I was a kid I was afraid of hurting my stuffed animals or hurting their feelings. I remember pulling one into bed with me and ending up with all my stuffed animals in the bed because I was afraid they would be sad. Or I would make sure they were facing right where I put them so they could see (that is my OCD showing through. ha-ha) I'm sure there is some deep psychological thing there. And I can see how its effected my whole life, I am that way with people too. Of course I am not perfect, everyone does the wrong thing at some points in their life, but in general I don't like hurting people's feelings either. I have a total people pleaser type personality.

I can see the emotions in the animals (not talking about stuffed animals) and I believe they have feelings. And I truly do love all of my critters, maybe a little more extreme than others. They bring me joy and a smile to my face every day.
 

This is my first time owning or being around pigs. They are funny, curious creatures. Anything you did in their pen, they were right in the middle of and they mouthed everything. Jolly, fat, and lazy. They were near my horses so when I went out to feed in the morning they would still be asleep.

 

On the other hand, I get that we are a meat eating society. I think it would be so wrong of me to be against raising one's own animals for slaughter and then go turn around and eat a McDonalds cheese burger. If you are going to eat meat I think it's so important to understand where it comes from and that you are eating what was once a living, breathing, feeling animal. The meat, milk, cheese, eggs, etc you buy at the store doesn't just appear there. There was a whole process to get it to that point.


There are generations and generations of ranchers and farmers that have put their heart, soul and body into raising their animals. I cringe when animals rights activists say ranchers don't care for their animals. They just have no clue how much passion, sacrifice,  and love is put into what they do. Of course there are exceptions, there is animal cruelty, wrong ways of doing things, and greed. But there are exceptions to everything and the only solution to those problems are education, education, education.

 If we all educated ourselves we wouldn't be eating products produced out of cruelty, we wouldn't be eating products filled with chemicals. If we went that extra mile to learn about our food and be an aware person things would be different, and greedy corporations would dwindle. Drilling that into people's heads sometimes feels like repeatedly banging your head against the wall. We are very contradictory. The majority of people say one thing or say they support one thing but then they turn around and do something else.  Maybe they somehow feel better about saying what they should believe in or what they think people want to hear, but its doesn't actually apply to them.  I think it's that rebellious, we are invincible nature we all have a tendency to have.  I am not pointing a finger. I know I have been there a time or two on different subject and I cannot say I will never be there again. But I am trying to become aware and improve myself, because I believe that is what life is. Constant learning and improving of oneself.

So back to the subject. The pigs are gone, we have chickens soon going to slaughter. And we have bran new baby steer calves that will one day face the same. With each one that goes, I feel a pain, an am I doing the right thing feeling. But I try my best to stand strong to my beliefs. I have eaten meat my whole life, I am not innocent, and I will not stop eating meat.  Its a part of the flow of life, it is how it is. And the best I can do is raise my animals with as much love and care as I can, carry thankfulness to them in my heart, and know that my family is eating chemical free, cruelty free, healthy all the way down to their soul meat.

 

Goatgirl Goes Cajeta

I love to write the heading of posts! I could be the headline writer for a newspaper. Maybe if I run out of stuff to blog about I will just start making up headings.

********this pic is so random and rarely do I torcher myself by posting pics of myself but things were looking plain at the top of this post***********

 
I don't want to turn this blog into a cooking blog, but it's a subject that I will probably babble about every once in awhile. I like to cook. And I like recipes. I know real cooks aren't suppose to follow recipes they fly by the seat of their pants and they are cool, or whatever, but not me, I am a direction follower. The more complicated the recipe the better. I don't do well with packaged meals or mac and cheese for some reason. I either mess them up or burn myself.

 
Goat cheese was suppose to be my newest project and I am still getting to that, but I was distracted yesterday with cajeta (ca-heh-ta). Cajeta is a Mexican caramel like sauce made from goats milk.

Pati's Mexican Table Cajeta 

There are many recipes online but I chose this one mostly because the writer actually went to where cajeta was started . Mixing history and food makes it that much more fun (that and her copper pot totally intrigues me)

So what you need is goats milk (let me recommend not watching someone's goat unless you are really  hard core), dark brown sugar, vanilla extract, and baking soda.  Yum and simple.  For the amounts visit the above blog.

 ***** I actually measured out the ingredients, they weren't measured out by my staff****

Of course, put all the ingredients in the  pot on a medium heat. The heaviest bottom pot you can find in your cupboard. I learned that lesson a couple month back making farmers cheese. I scorched the milk because my pot wasn't thick enough and I ruined a whole gallon of milk. If you cook on a budget that stinks.

So let the stirring begin, this is one of those simmer and stir forever things that isn't for the faint of  heart. Its not as  bad as polenta from scratch though if you have ever had that experience. Make sure you are using a wooden spoon, because only cool people use wooden spoons.

 

 I went back and added a teaspoon of cinnamon (according to other recipes found). I just couldn't resist messing with it more. Then I spent a couple minutes panicked that I was going to have cinnamon floaties and ruin the whole thing. I think panic attacks are a part of cooking.

 

 The name of the game is reducing and for whatever reason it seems when you reduce the liquid out of what you are cooking by simmering it makes things more yummy. Sitting there and stirring isn't a requirement. Thank God because it needs to simmer for like 2 hours, my attention span is fleeting!! Stir and make sure its not burning then go do something else. The above pic  is about an hour into the whole thing. You can see how much it has reduced.

Of course the best thing about being the cook it the taste testing. This is the sticky stuff stuck to the sides. And it was HOT! I about burned my finger, but it was worth the pain.

 It made exactly 3 cups. But turned out not thick enough to be a sauce. Which is frustrating and if I was feeling like it I would go back and try it again. But  this time I did what any true American would do (that sounds so good but doesn't make sense at all). I turned it in to coffee sweetener.

I have gotten pretty darn good at the whole goat milking thing. I get more milk at a time so goat cheese next.