I haven't blogged in some time. Well I have but I haven't finished and posts that I started. Mostly because I have been busy, but I am also pretty stressed out and just don't have the want to sit and concentrate on anything.
Today however, I feel that I need to write something about what is going on because in a way I may have to be defending my honor.
I recently got a call from the school principal and have just returned from a meeting that my daughter has been involved in some bullying. As a parent you always have a fear that your child will be bullied or made to feel that they are inadequate in some way but it really throws you for a loop when your child is the one being accused of being a bully.
The acquisition is that Emily and another girl have been calling another girl names and kicking rocks at her. But if you ask Emily she says the other girl has been mean to her also and will seek her out to cause a confrontation. To me it’s a normal peer conflict. I remember not getting along with some kids in school I even remember getting in physical kick fights with each other one recess and then being buddies the next. I think there is always a struggle of people wanting to feel important and accepted and trying to find a balance. But I think actual bullying is way deeper seeded and that there is something wrong that needs to be addressed in a different matter. I also believe it starts at home.
There is no record of these contacts. No teacher, principal, counselor has ever seen anything. Emily’s behavior “tracker” record has nothing. Pretty much it is a she said/she said situation that instead of being handled in an adult matter has been blown up and now comes with threats of restraining orders, letters to the Leader and a father on the play ground after school that scares the hell out of my child.
I am not saying my daughter is perfect in every way and she would never do anything wrong. She is a human and we sometimes make the wrong choices or follow the wrong people’s decisions. But as a whole I have made every effort to raise her as a thoughtful, caring, thinking, growing person who is able to handle life and love herself enough to reach for the right decision making. In every situation with my children I have been right there at the school ready to do what ever was needed to solve a problem whatever it may be. I try to be frank with my children and discuss what is going on. I respect that they are people and we try to work things out. And I hope if a fellow parent caught her acting out or saying something she should not be saying that they would say “Hey Em watch your mouth” or “Em are you making the right decision?” Or in some way aid her in doing what is right with out judging or threatening, as I would their children. This, however is really a punch in the face.
I don’t condone bullying. I have memories of myself being bullied in different ways and they are not good memories. But you can’t put a label on something and enforce some sort of punishment and create this perfect la-la land world where no ones feelings will ever get hurt. It is our responsibility as parents to be able to communicate with each other, teach our children and have them feel that there is an open line of communication. I think both parties are victims. In someway the bully is just as hurt as the person being bullied and if we can’t find a solution to this other then punishment and finger pointing then we are totally screwed.
As I listened to a frustrated principal today, I felt bad for the children who are actually victims of bullying or ones bullying because I know that with all this over doing and over accusing that it dilutes the vision of what is really going on. And instead of the actual problem getting addressed and solved we now have a finger pointing/nit picking mess and the real victims will be swept away.
