Goat Milker Anonymous

Goat Milker Anonymous

So I milked a goat this morning. I feel like I really have fallen off the deep edge of crazy homestead farm girl. I no longer walk with the rest of the normal buy it at the store people. I have crossed the line. You have people that have a couple chickens or a couple cows, but then you have goat people, and goat people are a breed of their own. The only defense I have is that it's not my goat, I am goat sitting. Really that's not a very good defense.

As I get deeper into the farm girl life I find it so fascinating how hard people work. Esp. the homestead women of the past. Just to get anything on the table or clothes for your family was a process.  There is no way they could of ever have been bored or had much time to do anything else. We have become so lazy and expect things just ready  for us to wear or eat, we would totally be in trouble if it all ended and we had to fend for ourselves. Mass chaos.

So I drug my butt out this morning to try to milk the goat. No matter how hard I try or if I work a job for months that I have to get up early for , I am still not a morning person. Left to be natural I would stay up all night and sleep till noon like my grandfather did. I require coffee. But this morning I had to skip the coffee because I was worried (and I still am) that somehow I would mess up the goat by not milking her in time.

Catching the damn thing was another story. It wasn't a pretty the goat gets up on the stool and just about milks herself story. Oh no. Nothing in my life ever goes so smooth and I no longer expect it.  I chased her all over the pen finally baiting her with some grain and grabbing her collar. Then she wasn't going to just get on her stool, I had to pick her up.

 

 

Then with my little bucket I attempted milking. I have never milked anything but a mare trying to help a new born foal nurse before so this was a whole new challenge. Nothing went right at first, nothing came out. I was a little panicked that I wasn't going to be able to do this and I was going to have one angry goat owner after me.

*****Graphic photos. lm not sure if I am suppose to warn small children*******

Apparently you have to finesse the nipple just right to get anything (sorry for my terminology I like to crack myself up).  With the first couple squirts I thought to myself, "Holy crap this is going to take forever to get 1/2 a gallon I really should of drank some coffee first." You see the end product of milk but never did I ever think of how many squirts from a nipple it took to get that milk.

 

20 minutes later and a couple of kicks from the goat, my hands felt like I had just repeatedly shook strong man hands, and my knee was covered in goat milk, I had gotten all that I could get. I proudly brought my goat milk in to strain and put in the fridge. Next adventure is goat cheese!

 

By the way I haven't tasted the goat milk. I dont like milk, I dont like goat milk, and I am still a little freaked out about the whole it actaully came from the goat thing so I am going to start with the cheese.

 

Life is Like.... a Book (sorry Forrest)

I am back. Everyone went to do something today and I agreed to watch a ladies goat so I had to stay home and wait for them to show up. I now have 5 days of morning and night milking of a goat named Ali to look forward to. I don't even really like goats or goat milk for that matter but I am up for a new experience.



This is one of those rare days where I have done pretty much nothing. Since I have moved here there has always been so much to do I don't stop very often.



I was looking through the photos on my phone, thinking my life is always so full of random interesting stuff and I haven't been sharing it. Though some would say I share way too much about my life. I have been told I shouldn't be such an open book. But I don't really know what that means. Isn't a book suppose to be opened? If we don't share our thoughts and experiences with each other how do we grow into better people?



I worked on a Quarter Horse breeding facility this spring. A small one. One amazing lady's dream of raising champion barrel racing and race horses. I went in with "oh I am going to really get my foot in the door and learn stuff from this job" and came out with lessons I never thought I would learn and the amazement of how hard people with livestock work and the amount of loss they endure.



Although I love my animals and someday I want to do something with horses. I want to stand out as a horse woman in some way. I don't know if I would ever want to be on that level. One of the main reasons is with so much loss and struggle I think you grow a little callused in a way. I don't think the love for the individual animal is as strong as when you were a little girl and you just loved your one simple ugly pony. Horses become more of a tool to the success you are seeking. I don't mean that in a real bad put down successful horse people way, I just think it's human nature to always strive for more and better and not see that perfection is in imperfection and the true life moments aren't filled with success and glory, they are the simple moments when all is said and done we wish that we could bring back.



That lesson, although I have heard it many times was brought to me this spring one more time by one little filly named Footnote.



It had been one of those births that we waited for in anticipation. The mare was already a surrogate mother to an orphan foal we had been bottle feeding.  I wasn't there for her birth. I was the one that took care of things for during the day while those who stayed up all night rested. But I will set the scenario for you . Jill and Jody are two close friends that run the place ( I hope to be inspired to blog more about them because both are neat women), they would sit up with mares about to foal. I learned a lot about when a mare is ready to foal and what to do. When a foal was born the two of them would make sure the mare didn't need any help, then when the baby was born they would help clean the foal up, give enemas, make sure the foal was healthy, got the colostrum needed, and was nursing. This time was different because when the baby was born, Jill went to get the supplies and more legs started coming out of the mare. The mare named Paige gave birth to twins Foreward and Footnote. Foreword was a strong and healthy colt, but little Footnote was smaller and weak. Knowing that the chances of her survival wasn't good, Jill vowed that she would do the best she could for the little filly, that being a part of her responsibility as a horse breeder. I admire that, the care that Jill gives her animals is incredible.

We bottle fed and took care of that baby her first day of life. Knowing that she might not make it through the first night I tried to remember the words of my mother to love them while they are here, but I tried not to get too attached.



There is something special about a baby. A baby anything. They don't know they are struggling to survive, they just simply live. One moment at a time. They don't care what they look like, if they will be successful, or what people think of them. They only care about each good moment that comes their way and they are quick to forgive the not so good. That is such an important lesson that comes up over and over again. It's a shame some of us fail to see that.



Little Footnote made it through her first night. She was a fighting sassy little spirit. I remember wrestling her in her stall, trying to soak her naval or trying to get her to eat when she didn't want to. She was under developed and down in her pasterns (her ankles touched the ground), but she got around pretty well. She would knicker when she heard you coming and when she was hungry. Her personality and zest for life shined. She lifted our spirits and our hopes, that just maybe she could survive.

The next day was a warm early spring day. I finished chores and decided to bring Footnote outside to enjoy the sun. I carried her outside onto the grass. Ed helped me clean her up and then we giggled as she wandered around wagging her tail like everyone should pay attention to the new horse in town. She found a nice sunny place to lay and just soaked up the sun. You could just feel in those moments she was plain happy.



At one point I lay beside her and fell asleep. I was behind her shoulder and she would swing her head back every once in awhile to make sure I  was still there.

I have been around animals so long now that I see these moments. They are no longer this foal is cute moments, they are much deeper than that and I feel honored to be a part of them. They are THE moments, the simple ones you want to revisit over and over again. Although I am wiser now and I see them and I hold on to them as tight as I can, trying to remember all the details, these moments still slip away and all I have is the memory and the hope that lies in that moment.



When I brought little Footnote in for the night you could tell that was all she had, something in her body was underdeveloped and she was uncomfortable. We tried to give her medications and comfort her but nothing worked.  The next morning Jill made the decision to have her put down.

These are the memories I have and the lesson I wanted to share with you.

My family is home now. And not about to let me keep typing, so I better close and go.

Lots of Changes

Wow! Again its been a long time since I have blogged. I'm not sure I remember how or remember how to put my thoughts down on the computer. I'm not even sure my thoughts are as gathered as I once thought they were. There have been a lot of changes and a lot of struggle in my life since my last post. I uprooted my life and my children this last fall and moved from the mountains of Anaconda Montana to the flat land and coulees of Great Falls. I have gone from a totally unstable out of control situation to a stable one where I am getting to be quite the little small time ranch girl. I now have cows, pigs, sheep, turkeys, and chickens. I have a garden and am currently helping to hay. So here I am back. And I hope to blog more often. I hope everyone has a fun and safe 4th of July!!!

Bullying

I haven't blogged in some time. Well I have but I haven't finished and posts that I started. Mostly because I have been busy, but I am also pretty stressed out and just don't have the want to sit and concentrate on anything.

Today however, I feel that I need to write something about what is going on because in a way I may have to be defending my honor.

I recently got a call from the school principal and have just returned from a meeting that my daughter has been involved in some bullying. As a parent you always have a fear that your child will be bullied or made to feel that they are inadequate in some way but it really throws you for a loop when your child is the one being accused of being a bully.

The acquisition is that Emily and another girl have been calling another girl names and kicking rocks at her. But if you ask Emily she says the other girl has been mean to her also and will seek her out to cause a confrontation. To me it’s a normal peer conflict. I remember not getting along with some kids in school I even remember getting in physical kick fights with each other one recess and then being buddies the next. I think there is always a struggle of people wanting to feel important and accepted and trying to find a balance. But I think actual bullying is way deeper seeded and that there is something wrong that needs to be addressed in a different matter. I also believe it starts at home.

There is no record of these contacts. No teacher, principal, counselor has ever seen anything. Emily’s behavior “tracker” record has nothing. Pretty much it is a she said/she said situation that instead of being handled in an adult matter has been blown up and now comes with threats of restraining orders, letters to the Leader and a father on the play ground after school that scares the hell out of my child.

I am not saying my daughter is perfect in every way and she would never do anything wrong. She is a human and we sometimes make the wrong choices or follow the wrong people’s decisions. But as a whole I have made every effort to raise her as a thoughtful, caring, thinking, growing person who is able to handle life and love herself enough to reach for the right decision making. In every situation with my children I have been right there at the school ready to do what ever was needed to solve a problem whatever it may be. I try to be frank with my children and discuss what is going on. I respect that they are people and we try to work things out. And I hope if a fellow parent caught her acting out or saying something she should not be saying that they would say “Hey Em watch your mouth” or “Em are you making the right decision?” Or in some way aid her in doing what is right with out judging or threatening, as I would their children. This, however is really a punch in the face.

I don’t condone bullying. I have memories of myself being bullied in different ways and they are not good memories. But you can’t put a label on something and enforce some sort of punishment and create this perfect la-la land world where no ones feelings will ever get hurt. It is our responsibility as parents to be able to communicate with each other, teach our children and have them feel that there is an open line of communication. I think both parties are victims. In someway the bully is just as hurt as the person being bullied and if we can’t find a solution to this other then punishment and finger pointing then we are totally screwed.

As I listened to a frustrated principal today, I felt bad for the children who are actually victims of bullying or ones bullying because I know that with all this over doing and over accusing that it dilutes the vision of what is really going on. And instead of the actual problem getting addressed and solved we now have a finger pointing/nit picking mess and the real victims will be swept away.

Changes, Commas, and Some Goals.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
Theodore Roosevelt



These last couple weeks have been some major soul searching. With everything that has been going on in the past couple years I have a created a monster. Myself. My confidence and want to do things has almost disappeared.

I'm not the same person I was and I didn’t even realize it. I have been in this constant waiting for things to get better state and it hasn't worked at all.

Time to change.

First comes my poor horses. I have barely ridden in a while. Waiting to get a place, waiting for this, waiting for that. Waiting for this perfect situation that is never going to come, I am going to have to make it happen. And now that goals have slipped this far out of my hands I am really going to have to put up a fight.

So I am re-goalin.

I am giving myself until this summer to have all 3 (possibly 4 if I start riding my old barrel horse again) horses up and running. I want everyone ready to haul to jackpots, clinics, whatever tickles my fancy. Whether or not we are the best isn’t my goal, I just want to be able to participate again and continue learning and growing.

I actually started this yesterday and caught up my two colts to see where they were at. Just played with them. Took them out of their comfortable pasture, moved them around on the ground, and sacked them out with my handy dandy thing-a-mi-jig. All those hours as colts playing with them sure paid off even though at some times I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. Both were totally relaxed even when the others ladies horses in the pasture we were walking through freaked out. Even my wild child Swede, he has matured a lot since last year.

Encouraging when things go well. I will be out there again today. This time with my saddle for some driving and maybe a spin on R.C.

The rest of the day didn’t go quite as good. Another part of my changing is to get back into some sort of shape. I have had this horrible unidentified breathing problem for 5 years or so now. When I could afford it I have been through a lot of tests. COPD, asthma, anxiety, my heart, allergies. All very expensive and with no answer. The only conclusion I can come to is that I could have some sort of damage from inhaling bleach fumes. But who knows.

The symptoms come and go so just when I think maybe I have the reason pinned I don't.

Anyways I have been looking for a fun thing I could do, keep my interest in, and afford for an organized kind of exercise in hopes I can some how strengthen my lungs. And I have chosen boxing. (Yeah I would love to see your face right now) I actually like boxing, fighting, martial arts, all that. I took kick boxing in Missoula (real kick boxing) and Taekwondo in Butte and loved it, but couldn’t afford them. So I found a place that’s not very expensive, got all set up to go then.... found the place and sat outside with not enough guts to go in.

I have never done that before. Let those nerves you get when you are going into a new situation, doing something new, with people you don't know get to you. I have always been better at those situations. Diving head first into something new and strange is way easier for me then going into a group of people I already know. That is probably why my life has been an adventure so far.

Today I am going to have to stop this. I don't know where my confidence went but I am going to have to stop leaning on excuses and others opinions, stop waiting and grab life by the testicles again. (maybe even use them as speed bags hahaha) There is a whole lot of stuff I want to do in life and I am not very happy just sitting.

I'm challenging you to join me. If I make it into this boxing club today, then tomorrow you need to go out and do something that scares the hell out of you.

Capturing moments

Photography is my blog inspiration today. It is a subject some of my closest friends and I get on sometimes. Going out and capturing the world around you is a good way to make stress go away.

Whether your a pro, an aspiring photographer, or just someone who got that lucky shot, photography is a form of art and art moves our soul and connects us to those moments happening around us.

I wanted to share some of my favorite photos (I have a million lol, these are just the ones i found while looking at my files). Hope that it inspires you to share yours. :) (please dont steal my photos. respect someone elses work)

Of course my favorite subject is my kids and this is one of my all time favorite. Brother and sister are so close they sometimes dont even realize it, this is one of those moments they were just hanging out together.

Another is this moment where Dave went out to visit the horses. I was stuck in the truck because I sprained my ankle. The sky and the light was just so right the horses were breath taking. I wish I had a better camera then my phone.

I love to take picture of horses and people. People riding horses and working horses. I know what goes into the relationship they form. This man, his horse and his cow dog caught my eye at a ranch rodeo. They worked together like music. I wish I could of gotten out there and captured their every move. I was way up in the stands though.

I love rodeos! But I get way distracted trying to get the whole pic. I love not just the action but the reaction of the other cowboys to the action. LOL The pep talks the riders get and the look of fear in some of the faces.

That hazy warm light at the perfect times of the day. We are blessed to live in such a beautiful world.

The activity of a bee and the pop of color a flower brings.

The dance before the storm.

The rainbow after the storm.

The unexpected moment where I made Dave back up the car so we could see I will forever treasure.

The exotic.

The familiar.

Firsts

And lasts

Ups

And downs.

Here to stay

History that is gone forever.

I better stop for now. Hope you enjoyed a piece of me. Oh and I am a total amateur. lol Dont have a fancy camera. Half the time all I have is my phone.

Brian

************photo taken of Flathead Lake by Brian Anderson*************

There are few people in life you can say are true honest selfless people. Who do things out of the kindness of their heart and who genuinely care. There are even fewer people who stand up for what they believe in and do things for the greater good, not worried about what's in it for them but what can they do for us.

I opened a treasure chest of those kinds of people when I started to work for Spay Montana. Judy, Sandy, Christine, Kim, Greg, Tiffani, Jonadel, Josh, Sharon, the many others who help us, and even the legendary Dr. Dave are all those kind of people. They make the world a better (usually more exciting) place. A bunch of fun loving kind characters I lovingly call "The Band of Misfits".

We lost one of those treasures last week. Brian Anderson.

*******photo taken of Brian at his job on a Hobby Horse Farm in Polson*****

I have never met someone with such and honest giving heart. He always welcomed you with a smile and took a great joy in teaching others about the cause he believed in and dedicated a lot of time to. It’s very rare to just hang out with someone and be yourself. He made us all laugh and stand in awe of his pure passion for life even after he didn't always have the fair shot at it.

There are lots of people with lots of different problems out there but a good person"s core isn't tarnished just because they haven't made the best choices in life. We all are capable of learning, changing, and growing.

******** Brian teaching someone to hold off a vein at a clinic.********

I hope to never forget the open arms and encouragement Brian welcomed me into the group with. I always want to remember his willingness to teach me and his encouragements that every one makes mistakes. His smile and sarcastic humor were contagious.

There were times when his kindness would show through and it would startle me just how deep it was. It made me look at myself at.

I want to remember our trip to Billings with Tiff where we laughed the whole time. We got lost, we went to a drag show, and how we talked the whole way home. Laughing, crying, and Brian occasionally nodding off. Lol :)

************Brian, Margie, and Tiff photo taken by me********************

The time we stopped at Tiffs new house and room mate and he took me around on a house tour and had me in the back yard eating plums at a stranger’s house. Or his India music playing loud and proud at the clinic in Butte.

*****************Micah helping Brian load the truck. Butte clinic*******

I want to remember the Butte clinic where Micah was there. Although Brian joked with my son who was 8 at the time he treated Micah as an equal. He didn't talk down on him like he was just a kid and that has left a huge impression on him. Brian just encourages you to be you and he was genuinely interested in you. He did joke that he only let kids ask 3 questions at clinics and that he was annoyed by kids but I never actually seen anyone leave Brians presence at a clinic feeling like they didn't learn something.

*********Bart the puppy. Photo taken by Brian*******************

I want to remember the look on his face when he came to me with a tiny sick puppy in Browning during a hard clinic. He was so upset no one would take the puppy, but he took him and he flourished. I want to remember the look on Brians face when he was talking about a good friend or remembering a good time.

I want to remember Brian how we saw him last. Working the clinic after some time away from Spay Montana. In his element and happy to be there. He was always willing to help in anyway he could. I want to remember Kim and I going to visit him in his beautiful hotel room that he had tried to give us. If I could just go back to that moment and give him a hug to let him know how much he means to me I would.

I only knew Brian for some where around 2 years and he has impacted my life in so many ways, my heart aches for the rest of the team who has been working with his for years.

I refuse to believe that the good die young or the good Lord has taken someone because he has better plans for that person and all who have loved that person. God doesn’t have some planning board up there or purposely inflict pain on people. We are all part of the human condition, we are all are born and we all die. It’s the life in between that matters. Even though his life was cut short, Brian made a huge impression on this world (and a trail of crumbs). I know God welcomed him with huge open arms and a great big smile.

***********photo taken by Brian of a Homestead on Lincoln pass*********