Out Smarted

Ouch. It has been awhile since my last post. Nothing has changed much here. We are still waiting and waiting. Hard to figure out what to do when we don’t know what we will have to do it.

I have been sewing like crazy lately. Can’t wait to share some of my creations. I am newly addicted to random sewing blogs with random projects. Today I found a pile of old sweats my mom was giving to the thrift store so I have been cutting them in pieces and making loungey pants for the kids. I will post a pic.

I wanted to stop by the blog today to write down about my dog Annie. Well maybe I should say write about the dog that owns me and has me and everyone around her very well trained.

I got Annie around 6 years ago from the animal shelter in Deer lodge. I was looking for a small dog that I could have around the kids. I didn’t have a dog at the time and don’t usually last too long without one. I got a call from the shelter telling me there was a little female Boston terrier available and I agreed to meet the shelter worker at the owner of the dogs’ house.

I got there (super duper excited) and the lady said "This is Annie." Obviously not a Boston Terrier I paused and then said "I will take her."

Now Jack Russell’s should come with warning labels. I (an experienced dog rescuer and a person that has rehabilitated hyper out of control dogs) was in for a ride. The second Annie could get away from me she was gone. I chased her every inch of this town. She was so hyper it was like owning a mini rocket. I tried to keep her exercised but she would take off, chase deer, and kill any birds she could get a hold of. She wasn’t spayed at first and she had a habit of humping pretty much everything. I was taking a dog training course at the time and a trainer I was working with said Annie and I would never bond.

One day I opened the door to get the mail and out the door Annie went. The chase was on. I ran halfway down the block and stopped. To myself I thought that was it, it wasn’t meant to be, if she didn’t want to stick around and be my dog I was letting her go. I turned around to go home and guess who beat me to the gate. From that moment on the deal was sealed and we were bonded (she is still bossy and I have had to get her when she has ventured off, but I love that crazy little Boston Terrier that ain't).

So this brings me to the story I wanted to write down. Though thinking about it I could write a whole book on how Annie has outsmarted us all. She is absolutely amazing.

The other night I was having a rare moment and watching the news all by myself in out hotel room. I was cold so I turned up the heater and sat by it. Annie wasn’t happy because she LOVES to lay by the heater and she esp. loves to lay on my lap by the heater. But I was knitting and wouldn’t let her. She paced around for a bit and then pouted on the bed.

I was counting stitches or something not looking at the TV and the channel changed to a static loud station. SO I set my stuff down and grabbed the remote from the bed. Changed the channel back and sat down on the bed to finish what I was watching. Not even thinking about what had just happened.

I glanced down by the heater and guess who had taken my spot.

Yeah my stinky little dog had changed the channel on the TV and when I got up to change it back she took my spot. I know she did it. She does stuff like that to my poor pug all the time. He will be chewing on something good that she wants so she will grab something like a sock and throw it in the air like it’s the best toy in the world. The second he lets go of what he has to see what she has she grabs his goodie and runs. LOL

Ms. Annie is getting a a little gray now. She hasnt slowed down at all and keeps up all on our toes. Esp. my mom whom she barks at until she gets up and gets her a treat. I know that you are given only a short amount of time to love special pets in our life. I am soaking up every minute I can and I love her so much. She has been so wonderful to have in my life and I am thankful.

What inspires me.

I am on my way to Browning today for the last clinic up there of the year.

My head is swimming with what inspires me this morning thanks to a conversation with a friend. Thank you Hank! It has made my morning nice to think of good things.

While there are many things and people that inspire me I wanted to jot this one down while it is the strongest in my head.

One of my most favorite quotes, the one that I think of most often is from Mother Teresa. "In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love." When I feel really small or frustrated in what is going on around me this quote always brings me back to what matters most.

When I was living in Missoula I decided that I was going to volunteer at the local animal shelter. This is before being a vet tech was ever in my mind and I was not aware of the harsh realities of animal shelters, abuse, and over population of animals.

I became a dog walking volunteer. And my lunch breaks at school would be spent walking dogs down by the river in Missoula (a wonderful place to wander around). It was so fun!

But it had a dark side too. A lot of the times the dogs that I was walking were the very active teenage dogs that someone got rid of because they were cute when they were little but with lack of exercise they became uncontrollable. So when I would return to walk this dog or that they would be gone. Euthanized.

It totally broke my heart (it still breaks my heart) and after about the 5th dog I called my mom bawling. What she said will never leave me.

She said that she knew I was sad but what a wonderful gift I had given these dogs. In that moment they had experienced true love and kindness. Even in the darkest times they left this world loved and there was nothing more powerful.

I realized that I have no control what happens before or after in a lot of cases in life. But in those little moments you get to love with your soul or show true kindness you have the power to change the world.

Multi-Pathing and Thought ADD.

I wish I was one of those people who could blog everyday and have something profound and organized to say. But my mind goes 100 miles and hour. When I think "Oooo I could blog about this" or that it is long gone before I can get to a point where I can type it down. Thought ADD?

My life is completely upside down right now. For those who don’t know me or have seen me and don’t know the story. Dave got injured on the job almost 6 years ago. He was driving truck for a local construction company and when he went to get out of the truck the step came out from underneath him (broke), he caught himself with one arm but damaged his shoulder.

You would think an employer pays into workman’s comp for a reason and that he would get his shoulder fixed and be able to return back to work. But that has not been the case. They wouldn’t do the surgery but they wouldn’t let him completely go back to work or his shoulder wouldn’t be taken care of. And he couldn’t do anything (like drive normally or carry a 12 pack of pop) or they tried to say he was cheating the system. Which never made sense to me because no matter what he does or doesn’t do he still has pain and he still has an injury from working.

So on and on and on we go. He finally got surgery this last December (losing his job because his employer didn’t want to wait for him to be able to go back). Now they release him half way back to work but he can’t do most jobs, they won’t settle, and he can’t get workman’s comp benefits. SO we are stuck in this weird limbo state. (This is the short version of the story hope it makes sense).

We have pretty much lost everything materialistic wise. Ending with the recent lose of our house we were renting. We are now in our live in horse trailer behind a local hotel and my kids are with my mom. (I keep getting told to not say the kids are at my moms because child protective services could come after me. Really? Take someone’s kids away that are trying and keep kids whose parents are on welfare and drugs with them?)

Oh and for those of you wondering. Why not sell the horse trailer? We can't. Dave now owes back child support and the trailer has a lien. So if we sold it that money would go to catch up on that, not a completely bad thing but we would be even more homeless.

Now blogging about this is something I have been battling with. I get accused of being too honest and open a lot and it freaks some people out. Too much information? I don’t totally get it. I could sugar coat things and pretend everything is perfect (which I do in most situations but if you ask me I’m not going to lie and tell you I live in a mansion). Or I could be super mysterious and not say anything. That works for some but I could blow up keeping everything in. haha

Could I have made better decision in my life that wouldn’t have led me to this path? Holy cow could I have ever! If I knew then what I know now I wouldn’t be here and I would be in a position better providing for my children. I have crammed many not so great decisions and paths in my life. I think I have multi-pathed and bi-not so great decisioned. If those could be a words.

On the other hand if I hadn’t gone down the path(s) I have gone down. Would I even have my beautiful children? Would I still be who I am emotionally and spiritually today? I don’t know. And I’m not totally sure I would want to risk that if I could go back.

Now my thoughts are bouncing all over my brain and this is the point where I would normally stop typing with the idea I would come back and I don’t.

One of the most important lessons I have learned from all of this is, yeah we are having a tough time and things could be better. At times it feels like I have caught the bad luck bug. But our kids are healthy and safe. Dave and I are healthy and able to fight (for bettering our situation not fight with each other). And really our problems are very tiny compared to some. Every time I get to the point I just don’t think I can take another bad thing I try to think of those who have it worse off. Those not physically or mentally able to take on the challenges of life. I have it pretty darn good.

Im going to close with that and go try to get my thoughts organized again.

Is Jean Buddhist? (may offend some)

Ok so again its been awhile. My life is completely crazy right now. Its a blog post novel in itself.

Im super excited that this weekend spaymontana.org is heading to Ronan for a clinic because I will finally get to stop in Arlee to visit the Garden of 1000 Buddhas. I wanted to go on my birthday and it fell through due to our financial situation. This time I am going that way and I am bound and determined to make it there.

Which all brings me to the question people who know me (including my Catholic mom) are asking. Is Jean Buddhist? I have a lot of very religious friends out there and I find it funny that this subject gets skirted around.

I do not consider myself truly Buddhist mainly because there is a lot I dont know about Buddhism and I know pretty much nothing about practicing in a traditional sense. To me (and I am not alone) Buddha is not a God. I do not worship him or try to please him in hopes I may gain something. To me he is a teacher perhaps a philosophy teacher. An understander of the human condition.

I firmly believe no matter what religion or beliefs you have you cant fully appreciate and grasp them unless you have an understanding of yourself, your body, and all that natural stuff going on inside of you. I think that it is benefit to everyone to be fully aware of themselves and to be able to control emotions that get out of hand. I think we all should learn to appreciate what is good around us. In the darkest time if we look we can find something good, something worth the fight. Even if in that darkest time you find your God isnt that beautiful and precious and part of who we are? We believe in something and there is hope and a reason.

I also believe in practicing kindness and compassion. Acknowledging that we are all humans and we are all in search of acceptance and belonging has been a powerful lesson for me. I find accepting people for who they are and being kind to them very rewarding and a more natural state. Even if I have to become aware of my own anger or jealousy first and let it go.

Do I believe in God? Yes I do. But to me he is also a person a teacher who is fully aware. A presence that is there for everyone who needs him. A light of hope and arms to hold my soul. A father who loves and accepts us as is because that is what we all seek. I do not believe he is a higher power that is over me and who will not accept me (or others)for things done wrong or if I dont worship in a certain way. I dont believe in hell as a literal place. Hell is not some where you will be sent if you mess up. Hell is in your mind. A place created by our own actions and lack of self and outer awareness.

I once had a preacher tell me that no matter how good of a person I was no matter what good I did if I did not believe in God as people of his church did I would pretty much go to hell. And for the longest time that made me very angry. I refused and still refuse to believe in a figure who would be that cruel, who would put us in this human condition and not be accepting and loving of our mistakes and mishaps.

So there it is. The kitten caboodle. LOL I hope that this helps people understand when I post a Buddhist quote or talk about visiting the garden. Maybe instead of shutting it off you will read the quote and be able to use it in your life to benefit you and help you in your journey to find peace in your heart.

And I know people will have questions comments or disputes. And I am willing to accept them all and learn. I am not perfect. I dont know all the answers. I am constantly trying to understand life and improve myself. I had a horse trainer tell me once that when training a horse you needed to gather as much information as possible look at what other trainers were doing and use only what worked for you. And that has impacted how I think in every aspect of my life.

This is only my conclusion so far.

I Won!

I won a super super cute crafting kit from iitki.blogspot.com!!! So excited!! I really never win those sort of things. Never ever. Thank you Jordan! I will be posting pics soon.

This was really perfect timing to brighten up a crappy week. We went to Browning Saturday Sunday and Monday which is always awesome but my dumb butt backed my moms car into a pole causing $600 worth of damage and one angry mom. Then I got home and fell down my stairs and sprained my ankle. (I can't afford to go to a doctor so I'm sticking with its only sprained).

And Dave is going to work in North Dakota. Which is a good thing because we are desperate but a bad thing because he will be gone and I will be left to fend for myself.

Roller coaster ride. :)

Syrup Kisses and Chin Hair

Yeah sometimes I am off the wall random so strap your seatbelt for this one. I have so much stuff I would like to blog about just as my own personal journal but dont always have the time. Or really I cant get to the computer and I hate typing long stuff from my phone.


One thing that happened a few weeks ago that I really want to remember is this. Every morning my cat (Syrup) comes up and lays on my chest she prrs and give me eskimo kisses on the nose and random kisses. I try to slow down every morning and return the loves she gives me even if its a pain in the butt sometimes. Well this time my son came in and layed down next to me laughing at Syrup and her obsession. Now for those of you who have boys, my daughter is wonderful and I love her but there is something super special about a little boy being sweet to his momma.

Micah decided that since I was giggling at Syrup kisses he wanted to try giving me a Syrup kiss. Starting with an eskimo kiss and then the most delicate sweet tiny little kisses on my cheek and forehead. They completely melted me and I wanted to write this down hoping that I could remember that feeling forever. Syrup kisses. You should really try them.

Next in my random list. Chin hair! Agh! I have had this one hair on my chin since the day I turned 21 (I am 33 now) I swear. LOL And when I find it to pluck it it is usually 5 inches long. haha. Dave tells me he never notices it but I dont know how he doesnt. So lastnight after washing my face and getting ready for bed I did that look in the mirror (the wrinkle/hair check. And I saw this tiny little black dot on my chin. Thinking its a blackhead I give it a squeeze (sorry for being gross but this is a reality blog. lol) to only find out it is that damn hair.

Honestly I was pretty excited that I had found it before it was 10 inches long (I could be exaggerating a touch). I had won the battle this time hair! Out came the tweezers.

Now all I can figure is that this hair grows inside my chin and pops out suddenly. Thats why I never catch it right? Cause when I started pulling my eyes started watering and I could feel it in my toes. I had to brace myself against the sink (tears rolling down my face) and let out a tarzan yell to get the sucker out (dont worry my family is immune to me).

Why I would even want to remember this or share it totally beats me.

Arggghhhh! Technology is going to drive me bonkers!

SO here I am today working on my blog because my stupid phone had a brain fart and I had to reset it. Losing all of my favorited websites. Crafting websites of course that I have spent entirely way to much time collecting.

So I am going to attempt to save them here. In theory I should never ever ever lose them but I am starting to doubt this modern world. Maybe I should imprint them in my brain to repeat to future generations. lol

Hmmmm. How should I go about this? Let me play around and I will be back to wow and amaze you.

My last post was cut off because I sent it before finishing. Lol I need to go back and finish my rant. Found these patterns and stuff on threadbanger.com and generation-t.com (hard for me to post links from my phone). This is made from an old tshirt (or one bought from the Thriftstore this morning lol). I Love it!

Lots of happenings today. First my kids were terribly rude while I was talking to a friend today. They wanted to go and I was enjoying talking to someone. I got so mad at them (pretty sure every cuss word possible came out of my mouth when we got to the truck). Usually I'm the softie that yells then comforts them because they are crying, but this time I did my best to hold my ground and make them stay in their rooms (crying of course).

(fixing this post)

As I have said I sent the start of this post from my phone by accident before I was done. I find it hard to find the time to really sit down and write a post because I keep getting interupted. Maybe I should set a time just to post (dont know if I am organized enough to do that.)

So I was having one of those days where my kids were going to drive me crazy and on top of that the Casey Anthony verdict smacked me in the face like it did those who truly believe that she has something to do with the murder of that poor little child. And I went on a rampage via phone and when i went to send it it all got erased. Whew! Im over it now though so I cant re-rampage. lol

Hope everyone is having a wonderful 4th. I have been creating a lot and have a lot to share but little time to write. My thought for the moment is "Rideo Ergo Sum." Latin for I laugh therefore I am. Words to live by.